Where There's Smoke

I outlived my Dad today. I don't know what to say next because I don't know what comes next. Today is my 22,877th day and I never got to see what he was like on his 22,877th day. Or his 22,878th. His calendar stopped at 22,876. Forever. So I'm stepping into uncharted territory. My Mother has known me much longer than she knew him.  That doesn't seem right. The two of them made me and my sister, after all. Mom and Dad knew each other for 41 years.  Mom and I have known each other for almost 63 years. Dad and I only got to know each other for 35.  I've been without him now for nearly 28 years. In seven years, I'll have not had him for longer than I did have him. I could use a roadmap. I wish he'd stayed longer. A lot longer. I think it might've helped. I guess what I'm saying is I wish he'd have gotten his 22,877th day...and more. Lots more. I hate that so many of the days we had on Earth together weren't what they could have been...should h...

Charles Edward “Chuck” Mayes was born on January 18, 1934, at the Presidio of Monterey, California. His mother, married often, was at the time married to a man named George Mayes, a soldier stationed in California. Chuck Mayes is my Father. My Dad never talked about knowing George Mayes. In fact, throughout his life, he never was quite certain if George was his Father. He never talked much about his childhood at all and most of what I know about it came from my Uncle George, my Dad’s younger brother. Dad was one of nine children -- two girls and 7 boys. From what I understand about his childhood, it was largely focused on surviving challenging circumstances. I’m not really clear about where he lived during most of his youth but I do know he spent time with a grandfather in Webster, Massachusetts. Aside from that, when Dad talked about where he grew up, it was more about the living circumstances -- foster homes and living with family members -- than a particular geographic location. At ...