Where There's Smoke

Given my somewhat scathing critique of Houston , it only seems fair that I turn the Light of Truth on my current home state, Florida. You really need to know these Seven 7hings   before you come visit. 1.   The News :   Residents of Florida know all too well how many notorious weirdos from Florida have made the news.   We’ve made national front pages with Ted Bundy, Aileen Wuornos, Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman, and Rudy Eugene (the dude who ate another dude’s face off), among other notables. 2.   Thanks a lot, Rest of America :   Since nearly two-thirds (65%) of Florida’s residents were born in another state, we’re not taking full blame for the knuckleheads in 7hing number 1.   In fact, the names and birthplaces of some of the principles of Florida’s more infamous news stories: Aileen Wuornos: Rochester, MI Ted Bundy:   Burlington, VT Casey Anthony:   Warren, OH George Zimmerman:   Manassas, VA Rud...

Granted, these are Seven stupid 7hings.   But ladies, if you want to know what goes through that tiny brain of your man, read on. 1.   “Damn…six more months to go until football season”:    Ladies, men care about three things.   Football, food...and Valentine’s day is not the third one. 2.   “What’s the least amount of time, money, and effort I can put into this and still get laid?”:   …and there you go.   For those wondering what the third thing is, here it is. 3.   “I wonder what she’s getting me ?”:   You’re lucky she lets you hang around with her, you cretin.   Valentine’s day is her day, not yours.   I’m sure it was invented by the first man who witnessed childbirth firsthand and understood that menstruation was a monthly event.   Don’t bitch about her not getting you chocolates.   We definitely got the better end of this deal, fellas. 4.   “The flowers at the grocery store are a quarter ...