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Pie Day

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Tomorrow is Pie Day. Obviously not the day we eat the pies. That comes on Thursday. But it is the day for making the pies for the day we’ll eat them. It was the day Lauren and I made the pies for Thanksgiving. Some years we weren’t living in the same town, so we had to make pies over video conferences. But it was our day for making the pies. This year will be my second Thanksgiving without Lauren. It will be my first Thanksgiving without Zoe since 2008. And it’ll be my twenty-ninth Thanksgiving without Dad. So Pie Day will be a little sad this year. A little sadder, even, than last year, my first without Lauren since 1997. But… This will be my seventh Thanksgiving with Diane, Brett, Stephanie, and Charlie. It will be my forty-first Thanksgiving with Jon and Brady. It will be the sixty-fourth Thanksgiving with Mom and Malinda. Oh, sure, we don’t always have the opportunity to physically be in the same place for Thanksgiving. But I’m thankful for them being in my life nonetheless. On T...
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Dad: By the Numbers

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I outlived my Dad today. I don't know what to say next because I don't know what comes next. Today is my 22,877th day and I never got to see what he was like on his 22,877th day. Or his 22,878th. His calendar stopped at 22,876. Forever. So I'm stepping into uncharted territory. My Mother has known me much longer than she knew him.  That doesn't seem right. The two of them made me and my sister, after all. Mom and Dad knew each other for 41 years.  Mom and I have known each other for almost 63 years. Dad and I only got to know each other for 35.  I've been without him now for nearly 28 years. In seven years, I'll have not had him for longer than I did have him. I could use a roadmap. I wish he'd stayed longer. A lot longer. I think it might've helped. I guess what I'm saying is I wish he'd have gotten his 22,877th day...and more. Lots more. I hate that so many of the days we had on Earth together weren't what they could have been...should h...
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I See You Loud

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Some days She speaks to me more than others. Just this evening, a man came in wearing black-and-white-checked Vans, then I saw a children's book authored by Lauren Child. I see You, gurlie. I see You loud.
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It's OK

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It's OK to ask me about Her. Don't be concerned that mentioning Her will bring Her to mind and make me sad. She's never not on my mind. And I'll always be sad that She's gone. But I'll also always be happy that I had Her in my life. Not just happy...blessed. I will always think of Her. Every day. Some days, all day. Those days can be really heavy. But when you ask me about Her, it tells me you cared about Her, me, or both of us. That makes the heavy just a little bit lighter. On the less heavy days, asking me about Her makes me smile. I think of some silly thing She did that made me laugh. Or some crazy thing She did that made me shake my head. But it always reminds me how fortunate I was to have Her in my life for 27 years. I don't talk about Her nearly as much as I think about Her. I don't want you to have to feel the heavy. So even though I talk about Her sometimes, I keep most of it to myself. And that can be a little bit lonely. But that's OK....
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Return to Loo Corner

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Welcome to your life There’s no turning back On May 6, 2023, at 1:46 am Eastern Daylight Time, Lauren Renee Higginbotham died of multiple organ failure due to cirrhosis, resulting from alcohol dependence. She died of what is commonly called alcoholism. Lauren was 30 years old. And she was my daughter. It’s my own design It’s my own remorse Help me to decide Lauren knew she was an alcoholic. She entered her first alcohol treatment program at age 21. Over the next nine years, Lauren was treated multiple times for alcohol abuse and dependence, as well as other issues related to (and not related to) alcoholism. At one point, she had remained sober for more than one year before once again drinking, which she knew would not turn out well. And it didn’t. Help me make the Most of freedom and of pleasure Lauren loved the beach. She lived most of her life in Florida, so it’s what she knew and where she found peace. Lauren also loved her friends. She was what I like to call a “friend collector....
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Thirsty?

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 Your dog has no idea where their fresh water comes from. They just know that when their throat is feeling a little parched, or if they need a drink to wash down some kibble, or if they’re just bored, they saunter to the water dish and it’s filled with fresh, clean, cool water with which to slake their thirst. (Or water with ice, if your dog is particularly spoiled/loved). The expression of joy bordering on ecstasy on the face of your favorite pup after they drink illuminates the room. They went to their dish, lapped up some refreshment, and they turn to you with such an expression of bliss as to say, “I cannot believe how amazing the world is and how fortunate I am that I am blessed to have been able to partake in such a magical life moment!” Or words to that effect. Their response is not to run over to hug your leg and say, “Thank you, dear friend, for having done such a kind and wonderful thing for me!” It is simple joy and gratitude that the water (with ice) was there. Yum! The...
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Pop

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Charles Edward “Chuck” Mayes was born on January 18, 1934, at the Presidio of Monterey, California. His mother, married often, was at the time married to a man named George Mayes, a soldier stationed in California. Chuck Mayes is my Father. My Dad never talked about knowing George Mayes. In fact, throughout his life, he never was quite certain if George was his Father. He never talked much about his childhood at all and most of what I know about it came from my Uncle George, my Dad’s younger brother. Dad was one of nine children -- two girls and 7 boys. From what I understand about his childhood, it was largely focused on surviving challenging circumstances. I’m not really clear about where he lived during most of his youth but I do know he spent time with a grandfather in Webster, Massachusetts. Aside from that, when Dad talked about where he grew up, it was more about the living circumstances -- foster homes and living with family members -- than a particular geographic location. At ...
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