I outlived my Dad today. I don't know what to say next because I don't know what comes next. Today is my 22,877th day and I never got to see what he was like on his 22,877th day. Or his 22,878th. His calendar stopped at 22,876. Forever. So I'm stepping into uncharted territory. My Mother has known me much longer than she knew him. That doesn't seem right. The two of them made me and my sister, after all. Mom and Dad knew each other for 41 years. Mom and I have known each other for almost 63 years. Dad and I only got to know each other for 35. I've been without him now for nearly 28 years. In seven years, I'll have not had him for longer than I did have him. I could use a roadmap. I wish he'd stayed longer. A lot longer. I think it might've helped. I guess what I'm saying is I wish he'd have gotten his 22,877th day...and more. Lots more. I hate that so many of the days we had on Earth together weren't what they could have been...should h...
I never had any brothers. I had a great brother-in-law and an incredible Father who grows even more incredible the older I get and the longer he’s gone (thus, the more I miss him). I have great male cousins, Uncles, a grandfather who thought (erroneously) that I hung the moon, and men friends who have been rocks when I needed it and a boot in the ass when I needed that. I even have what I can only refer to as a boyfriend-in-law (my sister’s boyfriend) who is another strong male presence in my life. And don’t even get me started on my Sister I could live a thousand lifetimes and never begin to show my Sister how much I appreciate her. She is -- and this point is inarguable -- the greatest Sister in human history. But I never had any brothers. So why is this titled “A Tale of Two Brothers?” Of the men I’ve had in my life, two of them stood out and are large reasons why I am alive today: Roger and Mike. Roger was a cousin and Mike was one of the closest friends I’ve...
It's OK to ask me about Her. Don't be concerned that mentioning Her will bring Her to mind and make me sad. She's never not on my mind. And I'll always be sad that She's gone. But I'll also always be happy that I had Her in my life. Not just happy...blessed. I will always think of Her. Every day. Some days, all day. Those days can be really heavy. But when you ask me about Her, it tells me you cared about Her, me, or both of us. That makes the heavy just a little bit lighter. On the less heavy days, asking me about Her makes me smile. I think of some silly thing She did that made me laugh. Or some crazy thing She did that made me shake my head. But it always reminds me how fortunate I was to have Her in my life for 27 years. I don't talk about Her nearly as much as I think about Her. I don't want you to have to feel the heavy. So even though I talk about Her sometimes, I keep most of it to myself. And that can be a little bit lonely. But that's OK....
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