Writers Don't Surf!

Writers are faced with seemingly innumerable distractions, life stuff that comes between the ideas blowing across the barren wasteland of our minds and the words that somehow magically appear on our computer screens.

But the single greatest impediment to this successful thought transfer is the Internet.

This is a documented fact.  I know because I just documented it.  And it may even be true (though that’s not likely).

In fact, my dear friend[1] Chuck Wendig even included Freedom Internet Blocking Productivity Software as NUMBER ONE on his “Ten More Gifts for Writers (2013 Edition).”

Some blame Al Gore.  Others blame Bill Jobs or Steve Gates or one of those other computer-box dudes.

Personally, I blame Bush.  Vannevar Bush.  But that’s another story for another time.
Photo credit: MIT Technology Review

The point is that the Internet gets in the way of writing.

So I’ve come up with a solution.

Mind you, this is not an original solution.  Untold numbers of writers have already used this gimmick as blog fodder.  And by “untold,” I mean “a lot and I’m too lazy to get a real number”

It’s been said that if you do something for twenty-one consecutive days, it becomes a habit.  So theoretically, avoiding the Internet for three weeks would break me of getting sucked down the vortex of dancing bunnies and @KingBach’s Vines.

But, yeah…no.  That’s not gonna happen.  I’m a writer, not a hippy.

I do, however, believe that one week is possible and might create a third of a habit.  And as anyone who’s ever gotten a halfsie over a slutty nun costume can attest, a third of a habit can be pretty cool.

So as a means of becoming a more effective and efficient professional writer-type dude, I will spend the next seven days wholly and completely disconnected from the Internet.

I know what you’re saying.  “But Smokey Joe, how can you live without being connected for a full week?”  “How will you ever be able to research the veracity of the stories about Al Capone visiting Johnson City, TN?”  “How will you know the point spread of the NFL conference championship games?”  “How will we know if you’re a lying, cheating fink?”

To these people I say this:  Shut up[2].

Instead, I will read words on paper, write more words on other paper, and not bet on this week’s NFL Conference Championship games[3].

So wish me luck, faithful readers (thanks, Mom), as I launch out on my 2014 Freedom From the Internet-a-palooza For One Week Tour: Revenge of My Library.


XOX,
Smokey Joe

LEGAL NOTICE:  I hereby reserve the right to violate this implicit contract between readers of this blog (again, thanks Mom) and the author in the event I come up with a really witty Tweet about farts.


[1] By “dear friend” I mean I met Chuck once at the 2012 Crossroads Writers Conference and I follow him on Twitter (@ChuckWendig).  I’m pretty sure he has no idea who I am.

[2] Translation:  I have no idea.

[3] Take the Broncos -5.5 and the Niners +3.5.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dad: By the Numbers

Image
I outlived my Dad today. I don't know what to say next because I don't know what comes next. Today is my 22,877th day and I never got to see what he was like on his 22,877th day. Or his 22,878th. His calendar stopped at 22,876. Forever. So I'm stepping into uncharted territory. My Mother has known me much longer than she knew him.  That doesn't seem right. The two of them made me and my sister, after all. Mom and Dad knew each other for 41 years.  Mom and I have known each other for almost 63 years. Dad and I only got to know each other for 35.  I've been without him now for nearly 28 years. In seven years, I'll have not had him for longer than I did have him. I could use a roadmap. I wish he'd stayed longer. A lot longer. I think it might've helped. I guess what I'm saying is I wish he'd have gotten his 22,877th day...and more. Lots more. I hate that so many of the days we had on Earth together weren't what they could have been...should h...
Read more

A Tale of Two Brothers

I never had any brothers. I had a great brother-in-law and an incredible Father who grows even more incredible the older I get and the longer he’s gone (thus, the more I miss him). I have great male cousins, Uncles, a grandfather who thought (erroneously) that I hung the moon, and men friends who have been rocks when I needed it and a boot in the ass when I needed that. I even have what I can only refer to as a boyfriend-in-law (my sister’s boyfriend) who is another strong male presence in my life. And don’t even get me started on my Sister I could live a thousand lifetimes and never begin to show my Sister how much I appreciate her. She is -- and this point is inarguable -- the greatest Sister in human history. But I never had any brothers. So why is this titled “A Tale of Two Brothers?” Of the men I’ve had in my life, two of them stood out and are large reasons why I am alive today: Roger and Mike. Roger was a cousin and Mike was one of the closest friends I’ve...
Read more

It's OK

Image
It's OK to ask me about Her. Don't be concerned that mentioning Her will bring Her to mind and make me sad. She's never not on my mind. And I'll always be sad that She's gone. But I'll also always be happy that I had Her in my life. Not just happy...blessed. I will always think of Her. Every day. Some days, all day. Those days can be really heavy. But when you ask me about Her, it tells me you cared about Her, me, or both of us. That makes the heavy just a little bit lighter. On the less heavy days, asking me about Her makes me smile. I think of some silly thing She did that made me laugh. Or some crazy thing She did that made me shake my head. But it always reminds me how fortunate I was to have Her in my life for 27 years. I don't talk about Her nearly as much as I think about Her. I don't want you to have to feel the heavy. So even though I talk about Her sometimes, I keep most of it to myself. And that can be a little bit lonely. But that's OK....
Read more