Dear Florida

Dear Florida,

It’s not you, it’s me.

I think we’ve both known for a long time that this day was coming. We got together twenty-seven years ago and it has never been a good fit. Even though we reunited after my six-month relationship with Alabama and my year with Tennessee, we both knew it wasn’t going to last.

I mean, you did know that…right?

You have people flocking to you so I know you’ll be fine without me. In fact, you’ll probably not even notice I’m gone.

As I said, it’s me. I was just never able to adjust to all the things that make you uniquely you. Some people love the feeling of breathing liquid air and discovering sand deep inside various recesses three days after visiting the beach. I’m just not one of them.

Oh, sure, you have certain charm. Some parts of you are breathtaking, like your Emerald Coast beaches. The water is actually green! But to be fair, that’s not really you; it’s just the area around you.

And that I think is the real issue. You have a great reputation but there’s really not much substance to you. You’re so heavily influenced by outside factors and other people that there never really seemed to be much that was organically and genuinely you.

Your real claim to fame is warm winters, sunshine, and no state income tax. In fact, despite the rule that you never give yourself a nickname, you dubbed yourself “The Sunshine State.” Like most of your coastal areas (and Orlando), I just find that a little bit tacky.

Yes…there’s someone else. Someone that has warm winters and at least as much sunshine as you do. Plus it has no state income tax.

But in addition, this other place has a genuine culture all its own and a personality as big as it is geographically vast.

You see, Florida, I’m moving to Texas.

I’ll have plenty of warmth and sunshine with Texas, plus TexMex, music, BBQ, and people who have lived there for generations. Texans are Texans by blood. Most Floridians are Floridians because New Jersey and Ohio sucked.

I don’t wish you ill, Florida. In fact, I hope the best for you. But that has to start with some introspection and reflection on who and what you are. I wish you well on your journey but have no interest in continuing to slog along with you through the humidity, mosquitos, and gators as you discover what and who you want to be when you grow up.

So, best of luck to you, Florida. But in 48 hours, I’ll be in Texas and have no intentions of looking back. I’m already getting a little sense of what it means to be #TexasProud.

Sincerely y’all,
Joe

P.S. And, yes…there’s a girl. Her name is Diane and I adore her. She is warm (year round) and brightens every day (like sunshine). Plus she doesn’t charge me income tax (so far).