Slower traffic means you!
By definition, "slower" means not as fast as something or someone else. It doesn't matter Rocket A travels at 4 times the speed of sound. If Rocket B travels at 5 times the speed of sound, Rocket A is, by definition, the slower of the two rockets.
Therefore, logic would hold that were there an intergallactic road sign that said, "Slower Rockets Keep Right," Rocket B would have a resonable expectation that Rocket A would hauls its slow-moving ass on over and let the big dog pass.
Apparently what's good enough for space travel does not apply to American roadways.
I've reached the end of my rope with people who insist on maintaining their position in the left lane of the two lane highway near our home, regardless of their speed. If you are driving 50 mph in a 45 mph zone but I'm driving 55, it does not mean that you get to keep your position. You are -- again, by definition -- slower traffic. (And, yes...this means mentally slower as well as your driving speed.)
I have a message for these people who insist on clogging the left lane: I want most of you in a ditch. With one notable exception I'll discuss later.
I'm not even going to waste any effort explaining why these self-absorbed denizens of the planet Idiotia are bad for the community. I don't have the energy.
But given my extensive experience with these a-holes, I have narrowed them down to five categories:
1. The Octogenarians: I genuinely feel bad once I eventually catch up with Grandpa and Granpda Kettle headed to the early-bird special at Perkins. But the time I'm able to get around them, I've already called Grandma names I normally reserve for the worst of my ex-wives. Sorry Granma.
2. The Obliviots: God love ‘em but this group of oblivious idiot has no idea they’re clogging the lanes of commerce. Eventually, they can be roused by continually flashing headlights or blowing horns at them and they seem genuinely contrite as you blast past them. They get to live.
3. The Boy Scout™ Turners: This group wants to make sure they’re in perfect position to make that left turn into their neighborhood Piggly Wiggly, even if it means they need to park their 1974 Dodge Dart – complete with factory smoke-bellower – in the left lane 17 miles before their turn. If there was a merit badge for morons, these guys would be Eagle Scouts.
4. The ImbeCells: While 95% of the time the driver of this annoying left-laner is a woman, occasionally a man will get on the phone and totally lose all comprehension of spatial orientation. Frankly, I hesitate to call the male ImbeCells “men” since talking on a cell phone while driving is a decidedly womanly characteristic. Everyone knows that a real man texts while driving. You can tell an ImbeCell by the fact that they speed up an slow down, depending on whether they’re talking or listening.
5. The Enforcers: These are the worst. Usually driving a fuel-efficient import with bumper stickers supporting liberal causes, these folks sit in the left lane, travelling at exactly the speed limit and smugly smiling at me when I eventually pass them in the right lane. These people I do not want in a ditch. I want them dead. For a multitude of reasons. But mainly for taking it upon themselves to be the arbiter of what speed everyone should travel.
The one thing all five of these morons have one thing in common: they don't grasp the concept of "slower" and "faster." Frankly, given that, a ditch may not be enough. After all, do we really want these dolts polluting the gene pool?
Therefore, logic would hold that were there an intergallactic road sign that said, "Slower Rockets Keep Right," Rocket B would have a resonable expectation that Rocket A would hauls its slow-moving ass on over and let the big dog pass.
Apparently what's good enough for space travel does not apply to American roadways.
I've reached the end of my rope with people who insist on maintaining their position in the left lane of the two lane highway near our home, regardless of their speed. If you are driving 50 mph in a 45 mph zone but I'm driving 55, it does not mean that you get to keep your position. You are -- again, by definition -- slower traffic. (And, yes...this means mentally slower as well as your driving speed.)
I have a message for these people who insist on clogging the left lane: I want most of you in a ditch. With one notable exception I'll discuss later.
I'm not even going to waste any effort explaining why these self-absorbed denizens of the planet Idiotia are bad for the community. I don't have the energy.
But given my extensive experience with these a-holes, I have narrowed them down to five categories:
1. The Octogenarians: I genuinely feel bad once I eventually catch up with Grandpa and Granpda Kettle headed to the early-bird special at Perkins. But the time I'm able to get around them, I've already called Grandma names I normally reserve for the worst of my ex-wives. Sorry Granma.
2. The Obliviots: God love ‘em but this group of oblivious idiot has no idea they’re clogging the lanes of commerce. Eventually, they can be roused by continually flashing headlights or blowing horns at them and they seem genuinely contrite as you blast past them. They get to live.
3. The Boy Scout™ Turners: This group wants to make sure they’re in perfect position to make that left turn into their neighborhood Piggly Wiggly, even if it means they need to park their 1974 Dodge Dart – complete with factory smoke-bellower – in the left lane 17 miles before their turn. If there was a merit badge for morons, these guys would be Eagle Scouts.
4. The ImbeCells: While 95% of the time the driver of this annoying left-laner is a woman, occasionally a man will get on the phone and totally lose all comprehension of spatial orientation. Frankly, I hesitate to call the male ImbeCells “men” since talking on a cell phone while driving is a decidedly womanly characteristic. Everyone knows that a real man texts while driving. You can tell an ImbeCell by the fact that they speed up an slow down, depending on whether they’re talking or listening.
5. The Enforcers: These are the worst. Usually driving a fuel-efficient import with bumper stickers supporting liberal causes, these folks sit in the left lane, travelling at exactly the speed limit and smugly smiling at me when I eventually pass them in the right lane. These people I do not want in a ditch. I want them dead. For a multitude of reasons. But mainly for taking it upon themselves to be the arbiter of what speed everyone should travel.
The one thing all five of these morons have one thing in common: they don't grasp the concept of "slower" and "faster." Frankly, given that, a ditch may not be enough. After all, do we really want these dolts polluting the gene pool?
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