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Showing posts from 2013

Does football even really matter?

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With the pall of possible felony charges hanging over this weekend's matchup against Syracuse, it's pretty tough to get excited about the FSU game.  Instead of Florida State fans being able to revel in their #2 BCS ranking and a likely impending Jan. 6 date with Alabama or quarterback Jameis Winston's Heisman candidacy, Nole Nation is instead wondering if their adoration for their redshirt-freshman wunderkind is misplaced or if he is just another victim of an overzealous national media.

Given the dearth of facts, I'll not comment on the alleged sexual assault that occurred on Dec. 7 of last year.  The Tallahassee Police Department has turned the case over to State Attorney Willie Meggs who will evaluate the facts and make a decision on whether or not to move forward with a prosecution.

I must say that I am disgusted by the coverage this story has been getting.  Absent facts in the case, hacks all over the nation are passing off opinions and conjecture as the story.  Ther…

Rah! Rah! Wake Forest Rah!

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To begin, I cannot think about Wake Forest without thinking of James Caan as Brian Piccolo singing the Wake fight song in "Brian's Song."

"I love Brian Piccolo.  And I'd like all of you to love him, too.  And tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him."
"It's not how he died that Brian will be remembered for, but how he lived.  And oh...how he lived!"
Pause for the men in the crowd tip a 40 for Pick and wipe the tears away.  Greatest sports movie ever.


Unfortunately, this trip down cinematic history will be the highlight of the Demon Deacons' day when they kick off at noon.
And the outcome should be decided by about 12:15.
So why bother with a blog about a nothing game?
Well, there are some interesting dynamics at play.  Yes, the last time the Noles rolled into Winston-Salem the slinked out with their tails between their legs on the wrong end of a 35-30 score.
But since then, the Noles have won 27 of 30 and -- thanks to a little …

Little help from down on the Farm?

Dear Palo Alto-nians -
I hope this missive finds you well.  Things here back east are just fine as both the leaves and the season have started to fall.  Get it?  "Fall" the season and "fall" as in what the leaves are doing?  I guess y'all don't get that kind of quality humor way out Cali-for-nee way.

I guess you're wondering why I'm writing.  Fair question; let me get to the point:

Please beat the shit out of Oregon tomorrow night.

Yes, I know that's a tall order, even for a quality football program such as yours.  After all they rock the number 2 ranked rushing attack in the nation, averaging more than 331 yards per game and the second best scoring offense, averaging 55.6 points per game.

In other words, they are averaging more points than you've scored in any single game this year.  In fact, only twice have they failed to score more than 55 points in games, both against top 20 ranked teams and both times they topped the 40-point mark.

I never sa…

Gamboling vs Gambling

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Good thing this is just play for me or I'd be broke like a joke.  Two weeks in a row calling the spread (following my brilliant Maryland insight) but missing the over under.

Headed back down to the mancave to study game tape, analyze tendencies, and monitor weather reports.*

Early line on FSU-Wake Forest has Noles laying 35.  They need to show some serious "style points" (read: Urban Meyer-esque embarrassments of lesser opponents) so 35 is within the realm of possible against the Demon Deacons.

Check back later this week for my real predictions and analysis, including a breakdown of what to expect from the morons determining Division I/FBS National Championships...err...the BCS.

In the meantime, watch this:




Love, Peace, & Chicken Grease,
Joe

* Watch YouTube video of cats, eat peanut butter out of the jar, and nap

Look for Noles to dominate at Doak

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There was a time, way back in the 1990’s, when Florida State v. Miami was the type of game that captured the attention of the entire football watching nation.

Probations, an aging legend of a coach who lost a few mph’s off his fastball, some more  probations, the SEC’s rise to dominance, followed by even more probations meant the FSU-Miami game drifted off the national radar like a botched field goal drifting wide right.
Tomorrow night at Doak Campbell, however, the spotlight returns to this modern-era rivalry.
But before you get too excited, I never said it would be a good game.  I just said there would be a lot of attention.
Most of this attention will be focused on the Florida State Seminoles and their wunderkind red-shirt freshman quarterback Jameis Winston.  While the Canes are undefeated coming into the weekend, don’t expect them to head back down to South Beach with smiles on their faces.
I mean, except for the fact that they’re headed back down to South Beach.
The Noles opened th…

Death in Death Valley

Reason #1,792 why I don't gamble.

This week, #5 FSU is favored by 3 points over #3 Clemson in Death Valley.

The only thing that will die is Clemson's National Championship hopes.

Lay the 3 but the over-under is a little trickier.  Most books have it set at 64 or 64.5.

I'd go the under but wouldn't feel good about it.

Noles 37, Tigers 24.

This time I mean it.





Run, (Wake) Forest, Run!

There is a lot to be excited about in Tallahassee as the Florida State Seminoles move into conference play in earnest.   They’re off to another 4-0 start, have the 4th ranked scoring offense in the nation (51.3 ppg), they’re sending a trio of stud backs running behind an offensive line that has discovered a nasty streak, and have more than replaced departed quarterback E.J. Manuel with dynamic first-year signal caller Jameis Winston.

On the other side of the ball is a stingy bunch allowing just 15.0 points per game, tied for 17th in the country and just 136 passing yards per game.

But despite all this good news and a Seminole Nation dreaming of being back in National Championship contention, Saturday’s game against Maryland is a bonafide, Class 1, Grade A trap game for the Noles.

In each of the three seasons since he replaced the legendary Bobby Bowden, Jimbo Fisher’s teams have managed to lose games to unranked ACC opponents (NC State and Carolina in 2010, Wake Forest and Virginia in 20…

Seven 7hings to Think About While You Think About Dying

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Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night.
- Dylan Thomas
You never fully realize just how much you want to live until you think you’re going to die.
For about 10 days, I thought I was going to die.  I know that sounds all melodramatic but it really happened that way.
I went to see a doctor due to a random pain in my abdomen.  The doctor ordered a CT scan and the next day she called to tell me that it showed that I had, “...a possible lesion on the head of [my] pancreas.”

Though I had no other symptoms, my mind immediately leapt to the worst possible outcome:  the lesion was pancreatic cancer.  I did some research and discovered that only 5% of people with pancreatic cancer are alive five years after their diagnosis.

Sidetrack for the best joke I wrote a couple days after the phone call: Doctor:  “You have a possible lesion on the head of your p-”
Me:  *gasp*
Doctor:  “-ancreas.”
Me:  “Oh, thank God it’…

Seven 7hings: 7 Weeks Overdue

Yes, it's been far too long since I've provided a new Seven 7hings.  I've been busy.  Sue me.

The good news is that there are a whole lot of new topics coming.  Here are Seven 7hings you can look for in the coming weeks:

1.  Seven 7hings:  About East Tennessee

2.  Seven 7hings:  About Apartment Life

3.  Seven 7hings:  About Moving

4.  Seven 7hings:  About the Upcoming College Football Season

5.  Seven 7hings:  About Being Alone

6.  Seven 7hings:  About Battling Depression and Anxiety

7.  Seven 7hings:  About Quitting Smoking

BONUS THING:
Sportscasters and fans mock Tiger Woods for having so openly stated his career goal was to win more major championships than Jack Nicklaus, who retired with 18.

Following his 2009 Thanksgiving to Forget, Tiger hasn't won a major, leaving him with 14.  Critics point to this fact as some sort of hubris or karmic fate for his past indiscretions.

However, let's look at this from a different perspective.  Woods set his goal high, perhaps…

Seven 7hings: About Yoga

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Faithful Followers of this blog (thanks, Mom), may recall my post from February 2012 in which I promised to chronicle the adventures of a fat man (yours truly) in a little surya namaskar.
For the uninitiated, surya namaskar is a sequence of asanas or body positions involved in the practice of yoga.  Of course, I thought it was something one wears when practicing yoga which would have made my Chris Farley/David Spade reference actually funny, but no sense crying over spilled curry chutney.
It has taken some time and a confluence of circumstances to get me into the ashram or, as I call it, “the place where a small woman makes me do things that hurt,” but I’ve finally taken the plunge.  For those considering taking up the practice, I’m here to report back what to expect once you decide the recliner just isn’t meditative enough.
So without further ado (which in and of itself is superfluous and, in fact, further ado), I present Seven 7hings: About Yoga. 1.  I don’t bend Yoga: I am no yoga expe…

Turd Pockets

Shane Battier, current Miami Heat backup and erstwhile Duke Blue Devil, recently said "Sometimes you've got to eat a turd sandwich.  Makes the ribeye taste better next time."

Happy breakfast, sports fans!
While his choice of analogy was perhaps somewhat inelegant or distasteful, his point was perfect for recent (and current) events in the life of this fancy-pants writer and wanderer.
For a multitude of reasons, I've recently taken a position far, far away from home, with "home" being defined as that place where I live in peace and harmony with my beloved Miss Aunt Lisa, Toby, the Notorious Z.O.E. (she loves it when you call her big Paw-Paw), and sometimes the lovely and wholly insane Lady Lauren.
While at an intellectual level these circumstances did not appear to be particularly daunting, the effect has been unsettling to say the least (though I rarely ever say the least).
I traded our beautiful home in Winter Springs, Florida for a one-bedroom apartment j…

Seven 7hings: About Visiting Florida

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Given my somewhat scathing critique of Houston, it only seems fair that I turn the Light of Truth on my current home state, Florida.

You really need to know these Seven 7hingsbefore you come visit.
1.The News:Residents of Florida know all too well how many notorious weirdos from Florida have made the news.We’ve made national front pages with Ted Bundy, Aileen Wuornos, Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman, and Rudy Eugene (the dude who ate another dude’s face off), among other notables.

2.Thanks a lot, Rest of America:Since nearly two-thirds (65%) of Florida’s residents were born in another state, we’re not taking full blame for the knuckleheads in 7hing number 1.In fact, the names and birthplaces of some of the principles of Florida’s more infamous news stories: Aileen Wuornos:Rochester, MITed Bundy:Burlington, VTCasey Anthony:Warren, OHGeorge Zimmerman:Manassas, VARudy Eugene:Miami, FL
OK…we’ll own Rudy Eugene but the rest of them are on y’all.


3.Old People:I’m sure you’ve heard the rumor that …