Little help from down on the Farm?

Dear Palo Alto-nians -
I hope this missive finds you well.  Things here back east are just fine as both the leaves and the season have started to fall.  Get it?  "Fall" the season and "fall" as in what the leaves are doing?  I guess y'all don't get that kind of quality humor way out Cali-for-nee way.

I guess you're wondering why I'm writing.  Fair question; let me get to the point:

Please beat the shit out of Oregon tomorrow night.

Yes, I know that's a tall order, even for a quality football program such as yours.  After all they rock the number 2 ranked rushing attack in the nation, averaging more than 331 yards per game and the second best scoring offense, averaging 55.6 points per game.

In other words, they are averaging more points than you've scored in any single game this year.  In fact, only twice have they failed to score more than 55 points in games, both against top 20 ranked teams and both times they topped the 40-point mark.

I never said this would be easy.

On top of that, their quarterback, Marcus Mariota, is currently leading most Heisman Trophy straw polls, his strongest competition coming from a renegade in Texas and a guy in Florida whose game turns as big as Texas after Renegade runs onto the field.

Which brings me to my real point:  things would be so much simpler if Oregon just lost a game.

And by "simpler" I mean for the Florida State Seminoles.  Oh, sure, they're currently #2 in the BCS rankings, meaning they are in line to play little Nicky Satan's Alabama Roll-damn-Tides for the National Championship if the season ended today.  But all indications are that if both Oregon and the Noles win out, the Ducks will jump to #2 since Florida State's remaining opponents suck so much.  Even the once-proud Florida Gators will offer no real competition to help the Noles' ranking.

And, yes...it does in fact give me great pleasure to refer to Florida as "once proud."  When the Gators suck, the sun shines just a little brighter in the Sunshine State.  Because even God knows the Gator fans are insufferable.

But I digress, albeit for a good reason:  to rub Gator fans' noses in a steamy pile of Renegade's road apples.

So please don't let the BCS screw one more team in its final year of existence (see: Auburn, 2004).  Rather than having three undefeated real contenders to fit into two spots in the championship game, it would be so much easier if you just beat the living shit out of Oregon tomorrow night, just like you did last year.

Seriously...please?

Other than that, things here are good.  I hope you have a wonderful holiday season out there in the land of fruits and nuts.  Just know that the turkey will taste a whole lot better if served with a side of roasted duck.  You know...the Oregon Ducks?  "Roasted" as a euphemism for beating them tomorrow?  Get it?  Oh, well...I guess y'all just don't appreciate good humor.  After all, isn't Robin Williams from the bay area?

Enough out of me.   Besides, I have to go.  I've got to get a letter written to Les Miles before Saturday.

Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease,
Smokey Joe

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