Writers Don't Surf!

Writers are faced with seemingly innumerable distractions, life stuff that comes between the ideas blowing across the barren wasteland of our minds and the words that somehow magically appear on our computer screens.

But the single greatest impediment to this successful thought transfer is the Internet.

This is a documented fact.  I know because I just documented it.  And it may even be true (though that’s not likely).

In fact, my dear friend[1] Chuck Wendig even included Freedom Internet Blocking Productivity Software as NUMBER ONE on his “Ten More Gifts for Writers (2013 Edition).”

Some blame Al Gore.  Others blame Bill Jobs or Steve Gates or one of those other computer-box dudes.

Personally, I blame Bush.  Vannevar Bush.  But that’s another story for another time.

Photo credit: MIT Technology Review

The point is that the Internet gets in the way of writing.

So I’ve come up with a solution.

Mind you, this is not an original solution.  Untold numbers of writers have already used this gimmick as blog fodder.  And by “untold,” I mean “a lot and I’m too lazy to get a real number”

It’s been said that if you do something for twenty-one consecutive days, it becomes a habit.  So theoretically, avoiding the Internet for three weeks would break me of getting sucked down the vortex of dancing bunnies and @KingBach’s Vines.

But, yeah…no.  That’s not gonna happen.  I’m a writer, not a hippy.

I do, however, believe that one week is possible and might create a third of a habit.  And as anyone who’s ever gotten a halfsie over a slutty nun costume can attest, a third of a habit can be pretty cool.

So as a means of becoming a more effective and efficient professional writer-type dude, I will spend the next seven days wholly and completely disconnected from the Internet.

I know what you’re saying.  “But Smokey Joe, how can you live without being connected for a full week?”  “How will you ever be able to research the veracity of the stories about Al Capone visiting Johnson City, TN?”  “How will you know the point spread of the NFL conference championship games?”  “How will we know if you’re a lying, cheating fink?”

To these people I say this:  Shut up[2].

Instead, I will read words on paper, write more words on other paper, and not bet on this week’s NFL Conference Championship games[3].

So wish me luck, faithful readers (thanks, Mom), as I launch out on my 2014 Freedom From the Internet-a-palooza For One Week Tour: Revenge of My Library.

Smokey Joe

LEGAL NOTICE:  I hereby reserve the right to violate this implicit contract between readers of this blog (again, thanks Mom) and the author in the event I come up with a really witty Tweet about farts.

[1] By “dear friend” I mean I met Chuck once at the 2012 Crossroads Writers Conference and I follow him on Twitter (@ChuckWendig).  I’m pretty sure he has no idea who I am.

[2] Translation:  I have no idea.

[3] Take the Broncos -5.5 and the Niners +3.5.


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